007: James Bond - The Stealth Affair

Description

Alright, let’s take a trip back to 1990, when shoulder pads were cool, mullets were a lifestyle, and James Bond was sneaking onto Amiga screens in *The Stealth Affair*. Strap in, because this game is like a martini ordered by Q Branch—shaken, not stirred, and probably rigged with explosives. You play as Bond, naturally, except here he’s less “suave international spy” and more “pixelated guy who occasionally forgets how to climb a ladder.” The premise? Stop a nuclear threat, because of course it’s a nuclear threat. Classic Bond, right? Except instead of a slick Aston Martin, you’re dodging guards who move like they’re powered by molasses and a caffeine deficit.

The gameplay is a wild mix of action and stealth, which sounds awesome until you realize the stealth mechanics involve hiding in shadows that look suspiciously like someone smeared Vaseline on your monitor. You’ll sneak, shoot, and occasionally karate-chop your way through levels that alternate between “genius” and “why is this door locked, I SWEAR I PRESSED ALL THE BUTTONS.” The controls? Let’s just say Bond’s gymnastic abilities here would make even Oddjob raise an eyebrow. Climbing feels like negotiating with a toddler, and jumping has the grace of a startled flamingo. But hey, at least the soundtrack slaps—if by “slaps” you mean “beeps and boops that haunt your dreams with 16-bit nostalgia.”

Visually, it’s peak Amiga charm—vibrant colors, chunky sprites, and cutscenes so dramatic you’ll half-expect a tiny Bond to wink at you. But don’t let the retro aesthetic fool you; this game’s difficulty curve is less a curve and more a brick wall. One wrong move, and you’re back to the beginning, questioning your life choices and why you thought wearing a tux in a firefight was a good idea.

Yet, despite its quirks—or maybe because of them—*The Stealth Affair* has this weird, janky charisma. It’s like a B-movie Bond knockoff you can’t stop watching. Frustrating? Absolutely. But when you finally nail that perfect stealth takedown or outsmart a boss with pure luck, you’ll feel like 007 himself. Or at least like someone who deserves a martini. Shaken, obviously.